


This is not our goodbye

by lcdp_nova



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Fluff, Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:53:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28556436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lcdp_nova/pseuds/lcdp_nova
Summary: Wise men say, only fools fall in love, but I can't help, falling in love with you.The letter Sergio wrote to Raquel when he believed her to be dead.(Set at the beginning of Season 4)
Relationships: Raquel Murillo/Professor | Sergio Marquina
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	This is not our goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> 1477 words. 1 word for every day Sergio spent with Raquel. :)  
> =  
> This was just a small letter because I needed time away from my other book and so wrote this instead. Plus this idea has been in my head for a while.  
> =  
> I quote a couple of song lyrics in this. So, no those parts do not belong to me. All content is to their intended person. But most of it is mine. :)
> 
> Enjoy  
> x x x

Mi alma,  
You are the love of my life. 5:36 AM, the first time my eyes first fell upon you. We have found one another before, remember? Our special bar in Palawan. Remember how our souls danced at the joy of once again finding each other in this lifetime.  
I will find you again in the next my love, and I know you will always be with me, by my side, now in this lifetime. 

The true realization hasn’t hit yet. The understanding that I’ve lost you, for good. I feel like I should be turning around and there you shall be. Running towards me.  
I can picture it now. Your hair flowing through the wind and your perfectly capturing eyes staring into mine. Your eyes. God Raquel, I could never bore of them. Having the privilege to look into them every day, it’s like seeing into another dimension. 

The true depth of our love. 

I have cherished every second that your presence has imprinted into my life.  
The places your body has touched mine shall forever lay in a cold quietness now that they shall not be reunited with you one more time. My lips long for your contact, for the feel of your softness.  
The nook in my shoulder that was carved out entirely for you shall stay empty until the day I die. 

I could not have had anyone better than you. There is no one better than you.  
I shall forever be in gratitude that you gave me the chance to be yours. To hold you, to kiss you, to be with you. It was the greatest gift the gods have created.  
What we have, had. It was that of a fairy tale. The type of love that one can only wish for and only the fortunate are rarely gifted. You granted me that. Your love. You gave me everything. 

And yet, I couldn’t give you the one thing you needed. Life. 

Your body lies alone and uninhabited somewhere. And I’m not there.  
Not there to hold you close to me, to stroke my thumb across the smoothness of your face, to brush your hair behind your ear.  
To protect you from the world. I let you down. 

You’re left tainted with the bullets that were intended for me. 

The words, the harshness, the anger that I gave you earlier. I could not regret it any more than I already do. I never beat you at any game. This. What we have, it’s not a game. It’s a blessing. It’s the thing I thank my lucky stars for. That I was the one to be put with you. 

You are my soulmate, Raquel. Where there is love, there is life. You are both. You are my life, the reason I breathe. 

You were not the idiot. I was. We are in love. God, how could I not be in love with you? You are everything. If I could go back to that moment, I would change it all. Nothing has ever angered me the way I spoke to you. It was spiteful and wrong. Nothing I said was true. 

I could not imagine a better life than the one I have had with you.  
I’m so grateful that you were just, you. You have always been perfect for me. There is no person I ever could have imagined sharing this life with after what we had. It was so beautiful, every second of it. 

If I had not been so foolish, not let the professor fuel my mind, you would be with me right now, your hand entwined in mine. Now I shall never feel that contact again. The outline of each finger, the way it perfectly fit with mine. As it was meant to be. The reason I hold on.  
The knowing that you’ve passed on, to the next stage, doesn’t feel right. I cannot accept that you’re gone. My whole world has crumbled before me and there will never again be enough glue to patch it up and bring it to normality. 

There is nothing in this world that I wouldn’t do to just be with you one more time. To have your warm comfort in my embrace. Your strength twined with mine. Our mouths connected. 

I took us for granted. Never. Never shall I do that again. It’s my biggest regret. The last time I laid my eyes upon you, 11:23 AM. It was in the moment, my gaze flashed to you and then they were off you again. Not knowing that would be the last. There is not the slightest possibility that I could ever tire of taking you in. Drinking in every little, perfect detail of you. 

I love them all. 

The way your face falls into a smile, the way your hair falls down your shoulders, how my hands fit perfectly on your waist. It all.  
I’ve had a goddess filling my life with beauty. Raquel, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever been blessed to see. Physically, in every way, you are perfection. But mentally, your words, the words you have said to me. Intelligence. It has always kept me on my feet. Planning what my next step is. 

You have made every day worth living. 

I won’t stop fighting for you, Raquel. For you Mi Amado. This war we have started, will all be to get justice for you. For what they did to you. The pain you have been fighting, I, I am unable to forgive myself, it should have been me. You should have given me up. I was so close. MINUTES away Raquel. Why were you so brave. Why.  
I’m so angry with you. Angry that you’re so selfless. Angry that you thought this was the right thing. 

I would’ve come. I would’ve taken every single bullet for you. Raquel, for you, I would bleed myself dry. 

The thought of continuing without you by my side is not one that I want to even begin to consider. I am nothing without you. 

But I promised you that I would keep going for our daughter, for Paula. 

She is the other light of my life. When you first brought her over to Palawan, I feared I wouldn’t get it right. I never expected to replace her father. But I wanted to be a good parental figure, to show her the rights from wrongs. The 2 and a half years that I spent with her, were everything I could have asked for and more. Every seashell we collected and every wave we swam through together. 

As she was leaving to go to safety on another island. She came to say goodbye to me. She called me Papa. And it was like, in that moment, everything fell into place. I was tearing up. 

I remember I cursed Tokyo for bringing this mess when I had finally found true happiness. I had everything I could possibly need in that moment.  
And now look, you’re gone, I’ve lost you. 

I will protect Paula for the rest of my days. Like I should’ve done to you. But I vow to you, that nothing shall ever harm our sweet girl. She’s going to grow up to become just like you mi amor. Talented and ruthless, but compassionate and loving at the same time. She gets all those qualities from you. They’re all the qualities that I most admired about you.  
Once this heist is over, I will return to our home. It’s not really like our home though, it once was. It was once filled with our love, our memories. But that’s just what they are now, memories. 

Our hammock that is slowly swaying in the soft breeze, the sheets on our bed that are still stained with your smells, the books you gifted me. They’re all still there. But it’s as if their meaning has gone along with your departure. It is and never will never again be the same. 

My dearest Raquel, I am so sorry I didn’t reach you in time. That I let you be the one to be snatched through death’s door. 

You made everything better by making me believe life was good. 

The 1477 days that you were by my side, was that of a love story.

Our love story. 

No number of tears shall be ever equated to the pain I am feeling at this moment. It will never feel real to me. This reality shall never truly sink in.

That you’re dead. And I’m still alive. 

There is no amount of words, to sum up just how much love I have for you, Raquel. I love you. I love you with everything I have. You. 

Please keep a watch on me. Forever. 

_**Your Sergio.**_

_I want to do to you what spring does to a cherry tree._

**Author's Note:**

> Please feel free to comment your thoughts on this :))  
> x x x


End file.
